Half a lonely world away
they put my friend in the ground today.
There is no goddamn reason why
he had to die at 35.
Lost and looking around
til finally what he found
was the end
at the bottom
of a bottle
Tonight I peek in one myself
with only an embarrassing wealth
of memories, good and bad,
but now all tinged sad.
I would’ve and I should’ve
though not sure I could’ve
been a better kind of friend
or anything at all in the end.
Now I can only hope in death
he found a bit of peace and rest;
Peace I’m now not so sure I’ll get
without him on this lonely planet
The Cure said it so much better:
“I should’ve stopped to think, I should’ve made the time
I could’ve had that drink, I could’ve talked a while
I would’ve done it right, I would’ve moved us on
But I didn’t, now it’s all too late
It’s over, over
And you’re gone
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you so much
But how how many times can I walk away and wish if only
But how many times can I talk this way and wish If only
Keep on making the same mistake
Keep on aching the same heartbreak
I wish If only
But If only
Is a wish too late”
My life is a ghost town.
Hope long since packed its bags and deserted,
leaving behind the weight of potential unrealized.
I sit in a saloon filled with why’s
slowly losing my grip on the lies,
succumbing to verity
in all its severity
while ghosts of relationships have me caught,
demanding me to be all the things that I’m not.
The well of emotion is dry,
as cold and empty as I;
these regrets replaced by wondering
what the hell has been happening
in this place I thought would be my life
but turned out to be just trouble and strife.
My biggest mistake to date has to be relationship building;
often without intent or design and in spite of myself.
Just a role to fill, just time spent, then – bam – feelings;
to be considered and soothed for our mental health,
and I wonder what I did wrong to wind up with another friend.
Now my time, now my energy, now my feelings are needed;
til I’m left wondering just where does it end?
Is there any way to go back to being just someone you know?
If not I’m afraid that I’ll soon be that old so-and-so
who let you down, disappointed, didn’t say-do the right thing;
if you’d asked before leaping I could’ve told you that’s all I’d bring.
By the way, I ‘m sorry.
Things misspoken and broken
and now you’re upset.
With reason, without;
I’m sure I did my part
to help things fall apart.
Well meaning, not doing,
is me to a “T”
and so I bury you all
By the way, I’m sorry
if that one didn’t take.
My sins of yesterday
are here to stay.
Victories are fleeting
and so need repeating,
but missteps and fuck-ups
continue to pop up;
if I could forget
still they’d never let
my minor crimes go.
When anger’s winds blow
closet opens, secrets fly,
truth worse than the lies;
and all of my sins
on the table again.