Relationships

My biggest mistake to date has to be relationship building;

often without intent or design and in spite of myself.

Just a role to fill, just time spent, then – bam – feelings;

to be considered and soothed for our mental health,

and I wonder what I did wrong to wind up with another friend.

Now my time, now my energy, now my feelings are needed;

til I’m left wondering just where does it end?

Is there any way to go back to being just someone you know?

If not I’m afraid that I’ll soon be that old so-and-so

who let you down, disappointed, didn’t say-do the right thing;

if you’d asked before leaping I could’ve told you that’s all I’d bring.

Memory

Bad habits die hard, most don’t die at all.

This world ain’t so big, but I feel so small,

alone with all these people I barely know,

wonderin’ where from here we should go.

I’ve not had so many friends, and yet

feels like I’ve lost so many to neglect.

And don’t get me started on whatmighthavebeens,

dozens for dimes from way back when;

roads not taken, kisses not stolen,

chances missed, don’t come ‘round again.

Somehow I miss the lives I’ve not lived,

melancholic mirage of reality altered.

What if and whaddabout,

still haven’t figured out

whether I’m on the right road or not.

Not that I’m not happy with what I’ve got

but the mind boggles at the opportunities,

the whashernames, half-forgotten hotties.

Still those friends who slipped thru cracks,

make me wonder the most in fact.

Used to share the daily grind,

now outta sight, outta mind.

Might they wonder about me,

and my post-they reality,

as I ponder them and theirs,

or do they go on unawares?